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May 31, 2008
Six Months Gone, Six More To Go!
It has been six months since I began the huge, daunting task of posting once a day for one year.
365 days.
Wow.
I have knocked out 122 days, save for one, which I was unable to post due to an emergency call. Does that excuse me? No, but having missed one day is pretty good, I'd say...
Which means I have 337 more to go. I know, I know, the math isn't right. But I relied on a computer to help, so the information out is only as good as what goes in, so sue me.
So, what has happened?
Jonah turned three in January.
We got a new vin-van in February.
There was a lunar eclipse in February.
Michael Jackson's "Thriller" album was released 25 years ago in February. (Holy Old!)
The New York Giants won Superbowl 42 over the made up New England Patriots. (Go Jints!)
This very blog you are reading turned three years old in March.
I got my head shaved for a good cause in March.
Jonah got a new bike in March.
Josh stayed cute these past six months.
Jason, Sara and Samantha welcomed Sydney to their family in April.
We lost a good friend and Firefighter in Paula in April.
Jonah had eye surgery in April, and, we are happy to say, is doing great!
We lost a wonderful comedian in Harvey Korman in May.
Lots, and lots (tons, actually) of Oreo cookies were tossed in May.
And I saved a turtle in May.
Go ahead. Take a look around the blog to find these, and other stories on Outofhans.com.
And since Megan and I have done such a great job, I am going to give myself a day off.
Will I still blog to keep the streak alive? You bet!
See you tomorrow!
Posted by Jon at 09:43 PM | Comments (0)
May 30, 2008
Sadness...
Last night, just before bed, I read of the passing of Harvey Korman.
Harvey (I feel I can call him that, with all due respect, as he was one of my favorite comedians...) was not one of those Hollywood "A" listers; you rarely heard about him, but you knew about him. He was from a different time, I suppose, one where the paparazzi was made of different stuff, as you don't know embarrassing details of his life, like do about today's "stars". He was so good on the Carol Burnett Show, he was equally as fantastic in the roles he played for Mel Brooks.
I am a huge fan of Mel Brooks, and by extension, a huge fan of Harvey Korman. Harvey played his roles to perfection, always playing the "funny", and making us laugh at each word. His Count DeMoney (Dee-moan-a, Dee-moan-a!) in Mel's "History Of The World Part 1", was a "spin off" of sorts of his Hedley (not Hedy) LaMarr in "Blazing Saddles", but each character was so, so different. I remember watching the Carol Burnett show, when he had Carol were re-enacting scenes from "Gone With The Wind". It is sketch comedy legend. He played all sorts of characters on the Carol Burnett Show, that proved his comedic talent and showed what fun he was having.
I will miss Harvey very much, and that makes me sad. But knowing how happy he made me, knowing how much he made me laugh, brings me back to a place that will help me remember the man, the actor and the comedian.
Rest in peace, Harvey.
Posted by Jon at 09:24 PM | Comments (0)
May 29, 2008
Just Got Back From Training...
...And boy are my arms tired!
Just kidding. It's a joke, people!
Come on!
I'm tired. We played Hazardous Materials victims tonight. I'm tired.
See you tomorrow.
Friday!
Posted by Jon at 10:18 PM | Comments (0)
May 28, 2008
Wordless Wednesday...
Posted by Jon at 09:59 PM | Comments (0)
May 27, 2008
They Come In Threes...
First, Dick Martin passes away.
Then, today, comes news of the passing of Syndey Pollack.
We have lost two Hollywood greats recently.
Let's hope, for now, it stays at two.
Posted by Jon at 11:03 AM | Comments (0)
May 26, 2008
Memorial Day...
Today is a very special day, set aside to remember those who have served, or are serving our country in our nation's military.
For many, it is a time of sales, picnics, days off from work, vacations and the unofficial start of summer. I take it a bit more seriously that that. I want to try to remember the important things our men and women in uniform do for us each and every day.
To say I am conflicted about that, is an understatement. I support our Troops one hundred percent. I cannot make it any plainer than that. I do not, however, support our reasons for being in Iraq. I don't have to. That's what it means to be an American. That is one of the things our Troops fight for; our freedoms, our liberties, our way of life. I do not think any of these things can or will be threatened by outside forces. The only thing that can stop us from enjoying our way of life, is ourselves. We have homegrown terrorists out there, who would seek to do our own country harm. Think of Oklahoma. Think of abortion clinics. (I refuse to put the names of those who used violence to get their point across, as they don't deserve it.)
My opinions are mine alone, and quite frankly, in the bigger picture, they don't matter. What matters is the safety and health of our Troops, no matter where they are, no matter what they are doing.
This Memorial Day, Megan, the boys and I will be headed downtown, to visit a military encampment. that represents three hundred years of military tradition. There will be a wreath laying ceremony in honor of North Carolinians who have served durign times of war.
Please take a moment to remember those who are far away from their families, their friends and their home.
Thank you Troops, for everything you do.
Posted by Jon at 07:27 PM | Comments (0)
May 25, 2008
Baseball...
It is, or was, America's Pastime. There are those, like me, who think Football has replaced Baseball as America's Pastime. That isn't to say I don't like Baseball. In fact, I am trying to get Jonah to watch weekday games with me. (Have you ever tried to explain the game of baseball to someone? It's impossible. Even more so when it's a three year old!)
Over the last decade or so, the game has, to me, lost some of its luster. I watched with great fascination the homerun chase between Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa. But those two are mired in a controversy which has further dulled the reputation of America's Pastime. The steroid thing has taken over, and left the game in the dust. Could steroid use be prevalent in football? You bet. Hockey? Sure. Auto racing? Yep. But so far, baseball is the only one with the black eye. Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens and countless others are bad for the game. Steroids have ruined a lot of what the game means to a lot of people As a result, a major milestone that is about to be reached, will not be noticed by too many, or celebrated by many, and that's sad.
LOS ANGELES – Ken Griffey Jr., the 38-year-old man sitting on the equipment trunk in the corner of the clubhouse this evening, will hit his 600th career home run one of these days, more than all but five players, three of whom are beyond reproach.
Yet, there is no buzz.
Griffey, still The Kid at heart if not in legs, is going to swing long and true and elegantly. The ball will jump and fall indelicately into history, arriving alongside those struck by men we know, or know of.
Yet, he will have played his entire career in an era whose story was written by George Mitchell, and co-authored by Henry Waxman.
“I can only speak for this,” Cincinnati Reds teammate Adam Dunn says. “This is not a guy who is in any of those documents, who has been accused of taking steroids, a guy who everyone knows has taken something. What he’s about to do should be celebrated.”
Yet, the panels in center field at Great American Ball Park will turn to 6-0-0 and the ovation might carry no further than the banks of the Ohio River. The appreciation for a career well spent will course the veins of the game but probably not reach the national consciousness, sodden as it is with suspicion.
“Oh well,” Griffey said. “I don’t even worry about it. Go out there and win a game, go out there and hit a home run, don’t hit a home run. Maybe it’ll change. Maybe it won’t.”
We have seen Barry Bonds reach 600, 700, then Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron. Last summer, Sammy Sosa passed 600 and Alex Rodriguez, Frank Thomas and Jim Thome arrived at 500. Manny Ramirez and Gary Sheffield are nearing 500, while Chipper Jones approaches 400. We sigh over what we once lauded, Mark McGwire at 65 and 70 in a season, Bonds beyond even that.
First, there is the volume of players reaching grounds where only legends lie.
“Six hundred,” Reds manager Dusty Baker says, “now appears to be what 500 used to be.”
Then, in some cases, there is the matter of how many of those hundreds are bullet-proof. Based on the lukewarm response to Griffey nearing a place that for decades held only Aaron, Ruth and Willie Mays, even the presumed innocent – such as Griffey – will not be entirely spared the apathy of a confused, wary or disgusted public.
Reds officials report that Griffey’s approach on 600 has drawn less-than-expected attention even in Cincinnati, despite various promotions. Granted, Griffey went a month – and more than 100 plate appearances – without a home run, leaving him at 597. (Griffey hit No. 598 Thursday against the Padres.) And, also granted, Griffey hates to talk about it. (“I’m not a hype person,” he says. “So, it’s kind of tough to hype a guy who doesn’t want to be hyped.”) But, on April 24, the day after Griffey drew within three of 600, the paid attendance for a game against the Houston Astros was about 17,000. A week ago, a three-game series against the unsexy but first-place Florida Marlins averaged about 14,000 fans.
Rodriguez undoubtedly will be the more celebrated story when he nears 600 in two or three years, because of the city in which he plays, the pinstripes he wears and the assumption that 600 will lead to 700 and eventually to Bonds. Conversely, Griffey does not have a guaranteed contract past this season (the Reds hold a $16.5-million option for 2009) and is an injury risk. He missed significant time in six of his past seven seasons.
It is likely, then, that one of the three or four great players of his generation is bearing down on his final round-figure milestone to the sound of one city clapping. Mildly.
Griffey shakes his head, refusing to address the response to him, his career, this number.
“I’m not the guy who has to talk about it,” he says. “I just want to help this team win. If that’s getting a guy over instead of hitting a home run, that’s fine, too. I’ve done pretty much everything as a professional athlete except one thing – win a World Series.”
Rangers officials said there wasn’t much to the Sosa run at 600 either, but Sosa has had to defend himself against accusations he took steroids. And Baker, who last season was an ESPN baseball analyst, even remembered that differently.
“I don’t know why it’s different from last year or why it’s different for Junior,” he says. “I really don’t know why. Everybody likes Junior. They like and respect him.”
Stadiums of fans remain emotionally connected to the home run, the moment of impact, its immediate influence on a game, the glory of 420 feet of bang and flight. They like the home run. But, perhaps, they have cooled on the notion of the amassment of home runs, no matter who holds the bat. We still appreciate the singular drama, but have turned on the gluttonous bulk, the process of sorting the real from the enhanced. That’s good, too, because at the current rate there will be almost 600 fewer home runs hit this season – the summer after Mitchell – than last season. Less sorting that way. But, also, less room in our baseball souls for Griffey, for what he’s done, presumably above all of that.
“That’s a good question,” Dunn says. “I’ve been wondering the same thing. It’s a huge deal and it’s almost swept under the rug. I mean, 600. Six hundred! It’s unbelievable. This is so disappointing. He’s a great guy, first and foremost. What he’s done for the game of baseball, it’s sad. It’s a shame. And it’s sad.”
This is the damage inflicted by the era. The numbers add up, but don’t make sense. That is the broad harm done, perhaps irreparably. In person, however, the harm is held in a bemused grin, a what-am-I-supposed-to-say shrug, an uncomfortable shift from his seat on top of an equipment trunk.
“I can’t worry about that,” he says again. “I just can’t.”
Tim Brown is a national baseball writer for Yahoo! Sports. Send Tim a question or comment for potential use in a future column or webcast.
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Posted by Jon at 09:09 AM | Comments (0)
May 24, 2008
Here's Something You Don't Hear Every Day...
Each month at my Fire Department, we rotate stations. This month, I am stationed at our Station 3, or what we like to call, the "vacation station". It's a vacation there because we don't run any calls. (Yes, that's good, in that someone isn't suffering, but it's bad, because Firefighters get bored there, quickly.) Well, last week, as I was entering reports into our database, the phone rang. Here is a transcript of the call:
Me: Station 3, Jonathan...
Caller: Yes, is this the Fire Department?
Me: Yes, M'am. How can I help you?
Caller: Well, last week, my dog died...
(At this point, I am rolling my eyes, and wondering why I picked up the phone in the first place!)
...and I just had surgery on my hip.
(She called on a cell phone, and there were people talking loudly (and rudely) behind me, and it was hard to understand her.)
Me: M'am, are you having a problem now?
Caller: Oh no dear, no problems. I had to get out of the house, to get my mind off things, so my husband took me for a drive.
(Still hard to hear.)
Me: M'am, are you having an emergency?
Caller: No, I just need my car moved is all. My husband is a truck driver, so he went to where he works to make a delivery, and now the man needs me to move my car out of his parking lot, but I can't drive since I have a broken hip. (It is at this point I want to giggle, but I cannot, as I truly feel that this woman, goofy as her request is, needs help.)
Me: Where are you M'am?
Caller: (Gives me her location.)
And now, a bit of background. For some reason, my Fire Department is listed in the phone book. Perhaps this was due to 9-1-1 not being accessible to everyone or maybe it's some cruel joke that's being played on those who would answer the phone. Either way, we have asked our management to stop this practice, but that request falls on deaf ears.
Me: So your husband is making a delivery, and you have no way to move the car?
Caller: That's right. I called the police department, but they won't help me. The man that owns the company doesn't want me sitting here in his parking lot, and I just need to have the car moved down the street or around the block.
Me: Well, there isn't much we can do, because you've called a department that isn't anywhere near where you are. I will call the police, and see what we can do. I will call you right back.
So I took this poor lady's information, and called the police department. It seems she called the Sheriff's Office, who did not help her, because she was in the city's jurisdiction. I called the police department, and they said they would send someone out.
Me: Ms. Smith? (Name changed because I forgot it and because she doesn't need to be identified anyway. Probably embarrassed. I know I would be.) I have called the police, and they said they would send someone out.
Caller: Oh, that's wonderful. Thank you for your help, and have a blessed day!
So here's what I presume happened: Mr. Smith takes the missus out for a drive to clear her head. He then gets a call to make a delivery, or promised Ms. Smith that this delivery won't take long. I guess it took longer than expected, because she called information for our number for help. So what I'm thinking is, what the hell happened to the husband? Did he not realize his wife was in some distress? Did she not call him? And what's the deal with the guy that wants her to move her car? Can she not explain the situation to him? Is he that cruel that he can't let her park there for a while?
Anyway, I never did find out if the police came to move her car, or if this woman is okay.
But I think I helped someone, and that's the most important thing. I guess.
Posted by Jon at 08:34 AM | Comments (0)
May 23, 2008
Check This Out!
This video combines two of my favorite loves...
A backhoe, (I said 'hoe') and a coat rack! (I said 'rack')
You thought I was going to say nearly naked Italian ladies, didn't you?
(I would have, but Megan reads this 'blog too.)
This is a pretty neat thing!
Enjoy!
Woman Stripped by Mechanical Shovel - Watch more free videos
Posted by Jon at 02:18 PM | Comments (0)
May 22, 2008
Here's Hoping January Takes It's Time Getting Here...
Okay, I know. That was a clunky title for the post, but I am so fed up and relieved at the same time, that's the best I could come up with.
No, I don't want time to slow down. Heaven knows, it goes slow enough already. But I just want to take the next nearly eight months to forget about American Idol.
The goofy show ended last night, and I for one, don't really care. Am I the only one? I just don't care.
Sadly, poor singers, no talent hacks, stalkers and a drunk/high/out of her mind "judge" will all be back in January to give us more of what I don't want. Sure, I'm in the minority here, but as I said before, I just don't care.
And while I'm at it, haven't we had enough of Survivor? I mean really.
More Deadliest Catch! It doesn't get any 'realer' than that!
Posted by Jon at 01:43 PM | Comments (0)
May 21, 2008
Wordless Wednesday...
Posted by Jon at 06:44 PM | Comments (0)
May 20, 2008
Three is the new Fifteen
I am often amazed by my children and the things that they can do. It is a wonderful thing watching little babies grow into toddlers, then into full-fledged "kids" and beyond. But there is an interesting phenomenon that I think every parent experiences at some point. For the purposes of this blog entry, I'll call it the "Where in the heck did he get that from?" moment. Those little moments when you could swear that you have, not a three year old, but an extremely short teenager living in your house.
Jonah has been working hard to give us one of these moments almost daily lately. And, I have to admit, I am much too prone to laughing when he catches me off-guard, which is probably not the best reaction to some of these choice phrases. The other night, Jonah got frustrated with Jon and me, so he pounded his fist on the table and yelled, "Knock it off!" Now, I don't remember ever saying this choice phrase to him, but you know, I say a lot of things in the course of a day, so who knows?
We've been having a lot of battles with Jonah about him taking things out of Josh's hands and during one such confrontation, Jonah became so enraged at me that he yelled, "Mommy! I hate of you...because...I...don't...love you!" Now, really, where does a child of three come up with those words? I actually CAN guarantee that neither Jon nor I has ever said anything even remotely close to this. I am sorry to say that I did laugh when he said this because it was just so absurd.
One of my all-time favorites occurred because I have been trying to get Jonah to understand the difference between rude and polite behavior. (Good luck, right?) So one time when he didn't like what I was telling him, he said, "Mommy, you are ruding me! And you are the....the...the biggest GIRL!" You guessed it...I laughed. I'm so ashamed.
Luckily, these little explosions are spread across moments in which he offers an unsolicited "I love you" or says, "I'm not mad at you Mommy because I'm just happy" or when he wants to sit on my lap, or asks for a kiss or hug. Or, my personal favorite, when he snuggles up next to me and says, "Mommy....let's talk" He sure can be a sweetheart. And the rest of the time...well...at least he's entertaining!
Posted by Jon at 09:50 PM | Comments (0)
May 19, 2008
Quick! Get The Milk!!!
I'll start the car!
MORRIS, Ill. — Police say a trailer loaded with 14 tons of double-stuffed Oreos has overturned, spilling the cookies still in their plastic sleeves into the median and roadway.
Illinois State Police Sgt. Brian Mahoney says the truck's driver was traveling from Chicago to Morris on Interstate 80 around 4 a.m. Monday when he fell asleep at the wheel and slammed into the median.
"The boxes came out of the trailer and boxes were ripped open," he said.
The crash about 50 miles southwest of Chicago remains under investigation.
Mahoney says no charges have been filed but both lanes of traffic remain closed while authorities remove the cookies.
Yum!
Posted by Jon at 08:10 PM | Comments (0)
May 18, 2008
Fourth Of July...Boom Or Bust?
Thanks to a HUGE explosion/fire in China some four months ago, fireworks supplies are low, and prices for the ones that didn't go boom, are high.
What does that mean? A couple of things...For one, our celebrations might be a little less, well, explosive. Second,
it means that many fireworks celebrations are in danger of being scaled back, or cancelled completely!
What happened?
Read all about it in a New York Times article...
After reading the article, I am, well, nervous. I am nervous that our celebrations will be somewhat muted this year, if not shut down altogether. Some of my fondest (sorry, I never use the word 'fondest") memories are of watching fireworks in the town I grew up in, then watching the most amazing fireworks display in New York City. I remember watching them drunk as a skunk in Buffalo, and lighting a few of them off in the parking lot of the town home I used to live in. I think Jonah would love to see some fireworks, but they may scare Joshua.
I was looking forward to taking the boys to some fireworks celebration this year.
I still hope I can.
Posted by Jon at 07:52 PM | Comments (0)
May 17, 2008
This just in...
One of the best restaurants in the WORLD will be coming to Raleigh!
Before the big reveal, I have a story to tell, so sit back, and relax...
Not long after Megan and I began dating, I was invited to meet her Dad, her step-Mom, her brother and her sister at a wonderful, fantastic, amazing restaurant to our west, where Keir and Abby live. (No, silly, they don't live at the restaurant, but they live in the town to our west where the most wonderful, fatastic, amazing restaurant lives!) By now, Keir, Abby and Megan know the eatery, but, I digress...
I think maybe we were dating for maybe three, four, perhaps five months, and already, I was to meet the family! Yikes! To say the evening went well, would be an understatement. For me, anyway. I had a great time being grilled, and sweating under all kinds of pressure. No biggie. Megan and I were meant for each other, and her family treated me well. (They still do, which kind of amazes me.) And I have always said, I got the much better deal. (Of course, I love my family, but we are super crazy and Megan's family, though smaller, are a lot less crazy.)
By now, of course, I forget the meal I had, but suffice it to say, almost seven (or is it eight?) years later, I still talk about it! I cannot help but feel nostalgic when we pass by the Village Tavern and suggest that we go there for a wonderful, fantastic, amazing meal! (If memory serves, I have been there only once since, and that was for brunch. Yum!) So knowing that statistic, clearly, we will have to go when the open in our town in 2009!
I cannot wait!
My appetite grows by the minute...
Perhaps I'll put up a countdown clock...
Posted by Jon at 04:42 PM | Comments (2)
May 16, 2008
Random Cute Picture Time!
Can't think of anything, so enjoy the pics!
Buckethead!
Posted by Jon at 08:28 PM | Comments (0)
May 15, 2008
When it rains...
I remember very clearly as a child going out after a summer rainstorm in my bathing suit looking for puddles to jump in. It is one of those happy little memories of childhood that was truly about experiencing the world. As an adult, it is easy to forget the pure joy of splashing through a warm rain puddle because, after all, someone has to clean up the mess afterwards. It's difficult, at times, to remember that sometimes the mess is worth it. If I remember almost 30 years later how fun it was to jump in rain puddles, doesn't that mean that a little extra laundry was a reasonable price to pay? I think so. And so, when we returned home one day to find this puddle in our driveway, we just had to stop and splash!
Posted by Jon at 08:05 PM | Comments (0)
May 14, 2008
The Art Of Stalling...
...Is strong with this one...
Jonah has learned to stall.
So far, he only stalls at bedtime, which is a perfect time to head to the computer (just down the hall from his room) and post on this blog. Of course, he hears the typing, and has to come out to tell me (or Megan) that he has to go potty. (He is still relatively new at the potty thing, so now he is using that as an excuse to get out of bed!) What a stinker! We don't want to discourage the boy from going potty, but after you've gone once, you're okay. So far, only a few accidents, but we (and he) are/is working our/his way through it.
Still though, the stalling is kinds of cute, and now I have to go, 'cause he can hear the typing, and I'm sure, any minute now, he will open the door slowly, and say he has to go potty again, for the third time.
See you tomorrow!
Posted by Jon at 08:04 PM | Comments (0)
May 13, 2008
Gifts...
Many people have talents. Some sing beautifully. Others can speak in front of large audiences. And still others fix computers, cars, or dinner in ways I could only imagine.
My gifts?
Listening to police scanners and operating office equipment.
Man, I'm good at those things.
Perhaps one day I can prove that to you. Don't know how, but we'll see...
Posted by Jon at 04:51 PM | Comments (0)
May 12, 2008
Hey!
This is it for tonight, folks.
Sorry.
See you tomorrow!
Posted by Jon at 10:12 PM | Comments (0)
May 11, 2008
Busy...Busy...Busy...
...So busy in fact, that this is the best I've got for you tonight.
I am sorry.
But stay tuned, we have cute pictures coming up!
See you tomorrow...
Posted by Jon at 09:13 PM | Comments (0)
May 10, 2008
Short Post Today...
Over the last week or so, I have posted a neat story about a turtle, and a cool party thrown in honor of Deb's birthday.
So, to give you time to read those posts, this will be today's post.
See you tomorrow.
Posted by Jon at 10:33 PM | Comments (0)
May 09, 2008
Why Did The Turtle Cross The Road?
To get to the other side, I suppose. Seriously though, I have no idea, but we crossed paths all the same...
I was minding my own business last Thursday, heading home after having picked up Joshua and Jonah from their babysitter. Jonah and I were having a nice conversation about why I was yelling at a man in a van next to us. (I wasn't yelling AT him, I explained to Jonah, I was yelling TO him, as he needed directions.) So, I make the right onto the street that leads to the street that leads to our house, when I notice cars ahead of me swerving to miss something in the road.
To get to the other side, I suppose. Seriously though, I have no idea, but we crossed paths all the same...
I was minding my own business last Thursday, heading home after having picked up Joshua and Jonah from their babysitter. Jonah and I were having a nice conversation about why I was yelling at a man in a van next to us. (I wasn't yelling AT him, I explained to Jonah, I was yelling TO him, as he needed directions.) So, I make the right onto the street that leads to the street that leads to our house, when I notice cars ahead of me swerving to miss something in the road.
What were they trying to avoid, I wondered, as I got closer to whatever it was. I guess I was expecting something else. A cardboard box or other some such litter. A piece of a car that had somehow gotten dislodged and left behind. But these guesses were wrong. Way wrong. Impeding traffic ahead was a turtle. A big, green snapping turtle, right there in the middle of the road! Who knew?
(Click On Me If You Want To Learn More About Snapping Turtles!)
I have seen turtle crossing signs in Florida and along the North Carolina coast, but I have never heard of a turtle crossing the road in the middle of a sprawling city. To say I was surprised would be an understatement!
It didn't appear as if anyone was going to stop, so I had to. I had several thoughts after I stopped. My first thought was of the boys, safely strapped into their car seats. This wasn't a safe thing to do, even though I had my blinkers on, and I was pulled over to the side of the road. What if some clown watching this 'rescue' lost focus and ran into the Vini van? My second thought was, why am I the only person who has stopped to help this poor creature? My third thought was, now that I have stopped and made the decision to help said poor creature, what the hell am I going to do???? I am happy to report the clowns stayed at the circus, and some folks did actually stop to help. (Four, to be exact. The others just rolled on by, oblivious to what they were witnessing.)
So to answer thought number three, I remembered that I had some thick firefighting gloves in the back, so I got them out. Around this time, I noticed a neighbor who had just gotten her mail, and was watching the scene. I then approached the turtle, as cars kept moving, and decided that the best way to help this guy across the street was to pick it up.
It looked a little like this, except those aren't my hands, and that wasn't the turtle I was picking up. (The turtle's face has been obscured because we here at OutOfHans.com are dedicated to protecting the innocent. And the guilty.)
At first, I tried to 'shoo' it across the street in the direction he was heading, but that didn't work. There was no way around it; I was going to have to pick this fella' up.
(Note: I am trying not be sexist here, but it's difficult. I have (as you have already no doubt read) assigned the turtle as a male. I pretty much had a 50-50 shot, so I am guessing male. Mostly because the sucker got violent with me, something I would never, ever expect from a lady. Even a lady snapping turtle.)
Traffic was slowed, but not stopped by this time, and as someone who has worked at traffic accidents on busy highways, I can tell you it's scary. Really scary. (I would rather be in a house fire with the house falling down around my ears than work on a highway.) So the time was now, before I got hit. I reached down, placed fingers on either side of the shell, and hoisted. That's when the turtle's neck extended about 42 feet, began hissing, and tried to bite me. That's the thanks I get. (The only part of that statement that is false is the 42 feet thing, but holy cow that was a long neck!) I dropped the turtle, and swore softly to myself, because now I am making a spectacle. About that time, a nice fellow in a brown Mercedes-Benz rolled up, and said I had to pick it up by the tail. Ummm, excuse me? The under the shell thing didn't work, what made him think grabbing this guy by the tail would? I asked him if he wanted to do it...He shook his head no. I don't blame him. During this time, a woman pulled up behind the Vini, joined me and the turtle in the middle of the street, and said she had experience picking up turtles. What luck! However, she hadn't done it in a really long time. Bad luck. She also said she didn't have any gloves. No worries! Here's mine! She put them on, and then asked me how long the neck extended. 42 feet. She took the gloves off. I told this nice lady that I can run into a house that's on fire with no problems, but ask me to pick up a turtle, and I turn into a chicken!
The neighbor who was getting her mail then approached with a shovel. This was a good thing.
I went over to the turtle, and sort of 'helped' him on to the shovel. I lifted it just a bit off the ground, and made my over to the other side of the road. (Why did the off-duty Firefighter cross the road? To rescue a turtle!) Anyway, he sort of wiggled, and fell off the shovel. On his feet, thankfully, because if he went shell down, he might still be in the road. I was able to coax the wayward turtle back onto the shovel, where I carried him over to a grassy area, where I presumed he was headed in the first place. I put him down, and watched him move slowly into the tall grass. I turned to talk with the nice lady who stopped by, and when I turned to look at the turtle again, he was gone. Just like that, with a quickness.
It was my good deed for the day. Jonah said the turtle was going home to its Mommy and Daddy. I smiled, and drove away, knowing that at least for the moment, a turtle was safe.